Pessimism in a Box - March Issue

To: The World
From: Connie

I'm sure I'm not the only one freaking out about this, and perhaps people are getting sick of hearing other people gripe about it. But this is a pessimism issue, and this is an outstandingly gripe-worthy subject.

Midterms. Duhn, duhn, DUUUUUHN!!!

It isn't as though I'm not ready. It's more like...the idea of my thinking I'm ready only makes me think that I'm not ready. And the more I tell myself I'm not ready, the more I try to compensate by reassuring myself that I am ready...which leads to my thinking that I'm just telling myself that because I'm not really ready.

It doesn't help that this semester is the last one before the big transfer to the dreaded four-year institution.

            (TANGENT: Why is it that a part of me always wants to say "institution," when the word "school" would do just fine, and take up like a second less of my life? Just say it to yourself: "Four-year..." Now what do you want to say? Because, to me, slapping "school" on there just doesn't seem intelligent enough; and you have to be intelligent to get into these four-year institutions, ya know...)

Because, now that I see the light at the end of the tunnel, I'm starting to freak out about everything I've done wrong and/or will do wrong (especially with the gosh-darn midterms looming), that will make the four-year institutions wrinkle their noses at me and burn my application before the eyes of the dean. And, of course, he'll then laugh a maniacal laugh. Why do I want to go to this institution again...?

So now I have midterms to stress about: one of the last things between me and the four-year application process that is slowly draining the life from my very soul. Once I've got these babies done, I mail off the midterm forms and wait to hear that maniacal laugh.

Or, the bright side: they accept me, and off I go to be "institutionalized" into a much larger school with more students and fewer faculty members, a much heavier course-load, and a frightful case of homesickness.

Hurrah for bright sides in pessimism issues.